If I was confronted with devastating news that dramatically changed my life forever, would I remain steadfast in my faith in God?

Would you still have faith to believe if you had to endure an unwanted situation which you felt God should have spared you from having to go through because you are a born-again believer?

In observance of today being World Down Syndrome Day, I decided to feature a guest author who had to answer that question for herself. In an article she wrote entitled, “How I Came to Know I Had Faith,” Julia Gray, an award-winning author, takes us to the delivery room where she is faced with the daunting realization that her 9^th child was born with Down syndrome.

This story, along with many more, will be released next year as the 4^th book in my series. But for now, let’s see how Julia came to know she had faith.

Excerpt below from The Book about James, Written by Julia Gray, the Mother of James

Even though numerous ultrasounds had been performed on me throughout my pregnancy, not only did we have no idea of the sex of our baby, we certainly did not know that he would be born with Down syndrome.  It understandably came as quite a shock and, as I have said many times, I was not pleased, with great emphasis on the word “not.”

The doctor and the nurse who were present seemed to have no concerns, and all seemed like a typical birth.  I was at a disadvantage from my very vulnerable position and couldn’t tell too much about what was going on, but I had pretty strong concerns.  James was not crying out like newborns usually do.  Everything seemed much too calm and quiet.

The nurse had placed James in that little plastic baby bed, and as she moved out of my view, I could see James for the first time.  He was in profile, and I immediately saw what was undeniable, but I hoped was not true.  I calmly asked, “Does he have Down syndrome?”  I asked calmly hoping with all my heart they would just laugh at my ridiculous question.  You know, newborns have been through a lot and that can really alter their appearance.  Maybe that was it.

The nurse did respond very sincerely but with a little giggle, “Now, why would you say that?”  That didn’t help like I had hoped it would.  Even though I didn’t want to accept it and wanted to continue in the denial, deep down, I knew.  My dearest husband only confirmed my fears in his response, “Well, look at him.”

OK, a side note on Kevin’s response because I don’t want anyone to think he was some kind of jerk in that life altering moment.  My beloved is just a matter of fact kind of guy.  I’ve often said, “His last name might be Gray, but he sees everything as black or white – right or wrong.”  He is a man of absolutes.  He could respond like that because he already knew that whatever the Lord had given him that is what he would accept.  Later, you will see how he helped me get to that point too.  Just another reason I am so thankful he is going through this life with me.

Back to me…In the next few hours, I wrestled with what I knew to be true.  I wanted to escape.  I didn’t want this to be part of our lives.  I didn’t want to be in this club!  Rapidly the scenarios ran through my mind, terrible scenarios.  I could run away leaving my husband and other children behind.  I could abandon James.  I could smother him.

Are you shocked?  Are you horrified that I would even think that for a moment?  Well I did.  Just for a very brief moment, but yes I did.  I felt trapped, devastated, crushed.

Then a peace came over me.  A very shaky peace but boy, did I need even a shred of light at that time.  I began to realize that I was prepared for this.  God had already laid the foundation for me to be able to withstand this next trial.  Even though I wanted to throw a tantrum and reject this trial, I knew that I would and could go through it no matter how badly I did not want this to be in my life!

The memory of sitting in Bible study one Tuesday morning years ago came to me.  I don’t remember exactly what we were studying, but I do remember that we were discussing how God will send trials into the lives of those he loves.  I do remember being troubled by the thought that my life had been one of relative ease and that I really had not had trials.  The trials I had experienced were ones caused by my own sins, and I just didn’t think those even counted.  Even more troubling to me was that God might decide he loved me very much and start sending trials.  This seemed to be a situation I just could not win.  I didn’t want to be on either side of that coin.  My theology may have been shaky, but it is how I felt.  This led me to wonder if I even truly had faith.  If I was confronted with a serious trial would I still even trust in God?  This question nagged at me for a while but would be solved one dark December day as you will see.

It was December 23, 2003.  Just the day before we had buried our daughter, Meredith.  She had been only an infant, a perfect infant in the eyes of the world.  She would have suffered none of the problems that we were worried James would suffer.  Yet, she was dead and buried.

During her funeral, that had certainly been dreaded, I felt such a calm sense of joy.  There had been a happiness and supernatural peace.  But as I stared out into our yard this next day, there was no peace.

The day was cold, rainy, and overcast, just dreary.  My heart broke as I realized my daughter, the baby I should be protecting and caring for, was in the ground out in this terrible weather.  What kind of mother leaves her child in such conditions?!  Then, in a flash, peace surrounded me once again.

She was not out there alone, in that forlorn ground.  She was there in body only.  My baby was in heaven with her true Father.  A much better place than my aching, empty arms, indeed!  In that moment, in that divine moment I realize that I did have faith.  Faith that got me through that time in my life was faith that would get me through many more situations to come – including accepting James.

For more information about World Down Syndrome Day, click here.

For more information about Julia’s upcoming book, click here.

Click pictures below to enlarge for easy viewing.

An editorial comment from Betty: I saw a post Julia made on Facebook about her husband, and I had to borrow it. “Right after James was born and I was so NOT happy about the whole Down syndrome thing, Kevin said something like, ‘Big deal. I bet he won’t be a Jerk. You can’t test for that.’ I immediately felt better.”  

Wow! I knew right then that Kevin was a keeper. After thinking about James, I started thinking about “The Book of James” in the bible, which is an example of practical advice and wisdom, consisting largely of moral precepts and examples. Then I started thinking about how inspirational it would be if Julia would take all of the wisdom and revelations she has learned over the past 6 years and write a book about James. But then I started thinking about the thousands of books which have already been written about Down syndrome. What else can possibly be said about raising a child with Downs?

Immediately, the answer came to me. No one has ever written a book about James.  The biblical James calls himself “a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ.” Julia calls her son James “a gift I never wanted yet now can’t believe I was blessed enough to receive.” I simply call it the beginning of the book about James. It’s certainly not your ordinary book about Down syndrome, nor is it a sappy book written by a mother professing her unconditional love and devotion to a child born with special needs.  Although Julia is a Christian with very strong beliefs and faith in God, you will not find this to be a preachy book with mini-sermons on unconditional love and child rearing the Lord’s way. Instead what you will find is a remarkable and heartfelt story of being given a gift you never thought you wanted, only to discover you cannot imagine living without. In an Erma Bombeck sort of way, Julia’s uncanny sense of humor will take you on a spiritual journey of what was first thought of as a terrible tragedy. The roller coaster of emotions and adjectives that come to mind will engulf you from the very beginning, and you will soon find yourself mesmerized and fully engulfed by her passion and love. Look for The Book about James, coming in 2015.